danny

danny.

danny, a native of asheville, is instilled in the area's queer and punk/metal scene - and has been for some time. he is a very passionate and self aware person who honors the varied angles of each situation or thought before deciding on his own opinion. he sat down with us at one of his all time favorite spots - the odditorium - for the interview, and throughout he touches again and again on changes & impacts - changes he has gone through and how that has impacted his confidence and life + changes asheville has gone through and how it has impacted the queer and punk communities close to his heart.

we recommend that this one be read in its entirety -- so many of the points he touches on are things we all could hear, confront, and chew on right now.

-

when was the last time that you laughed so hard your stomach hurt?

oh. me and haley laugh a lot. usually when we are waking up and rolling around in bed and half awake we crack each other up doing random shit. so probably, this morning?

what is asheville to you?

home. i grew up here. i moved here when i was four from miami. it’s always been home. but it is one of those places that i get frustrated with - i am consistently like, “in a year or two i should probably leave...” but i can’t give up on all the things i want to start here, all the things i want to make happen here, and i feel like i can’t leave until i do those things.

honestly, community. just the community here is so fucking solid. even when i think of other places that have bigger opportunities, or a well established queer community, there is also this community here that needs so much work, and i feel like i can help.

there are definitely still people moving here that are queer folks, punk folks…people that want to put down roots in asheville that are really solid folks, but there’s also a shit ton of people moving here that are like, “i already have money and i heard about this city and it sounds really cool!” it’s the hardest conversation i have - with specifically bar backs at the crow - because we are a zero tolerance queer owned and operated safe space. it’s one of those things where we are essentially a social experiment but we are a business too, and it’s really hard to teach someone intuition.  we have had so many conversations about incidents that happen, that aren’t like someone yelling faggot or anything, but incidents where you ask, “do i teach this person in order to have them learn what is happening and bring them in? or do you tell this person to leave so that everyone else who already knows is more comfortable?” there are definitely two camps in that conversation constantly…there’s always this weird decision process when you are inviting more people into a community to learn and share in their experience - but also you don’t want to alienate the community you already have. i think that is something we experience a lot in asheville as a whole. the population is less than 100,000 and we get 3 million tourists a year. that’s more than double triple what the population is.

what do you think asheville is missing?

i think it’s not necessarily what asheville is missing, but what our local government and what people in some sort of pull for tourism tend to neglect. there’s this really unfortunate snowballing that asheville as a city does is allow locals and artists and musicians build themselves up, and once people see that and think it is a really cool place, asheville says, “never mind. we’ve got it, we’re good, y’all can go fuck off now” (to the locals.) i mean you haven’t been downtown on the weekend, no local wants to be there. 

say five, ten years ago, it was easier for bands to practice - specifically heavier bands, punk metal bands. there was a  couple storage unit spaces, one of them out on deaverview that has been renting out to bands for 20+ years and then another one out in leicester. the one in deaverview got bought out and they didn’t want bands anymore. the other place sold and kicked out all the bands. so all of a sudden you have dozens upon dozens of bands in asheville who are scheduled to play shows that are practicing at their shows. for months my band was practicing at shows, we had no way to practice whatsoever. so we were like, “what do we do about this?” this guy claude and his friend brent are starting a place called soundspace. but it’s going to be really small at first, it takes in some people but it doesn’t help the whole problem. and all the studio spaces that used to take artists and musicians only want to take people that already have money, who aren’t making noise, who are oil painting or something, and those people tend to be from out of town and are ok to pay 800 dollars for studio space.

it’s one of those things where i consistently seeing asheville as a city kicking out the people that have built it up to what it is. the orange peel for example used to have local bands when i was 15 and getting into the scene here. i haven’t seen the orange peel put on a local show, or be like “here’s a metal showcase” in years. they won’t even allow locals to tack onto their bigger tickets. the people come in with bands from out of town to play there. there are obviously some venues like the odditorium or the mothlight that help with that, but here’s the big venue of our city, the one where everyone wants to play, and they don’t want you there. at all.

there are very few folks in this town to establish places that are catered to locals specifically. as far as houses go - there used to be a million punk houses here but now all of them have sold. the last one i knew of on hanover, the person that owned it kicked everyone out and said, “someone is going to buy the house for 200,000 dollars so you can’t do this anymore.” the same thing goes with practice spaces. a lot of those practice spaces probably stopped having bands because there are so many people moving to asheville and all of those areas that used to be rural now are residential. they are building houses upon houses and none of those people want to hear metal at 10 in the morning or whatever.

what are you learning or working on right now?

myself and my friend jp are doing sunday's are a drag at the crow. that started because we happened to start working sunday's when she got hired on, and we were both having conversations and talking about how we are both struggling with our gender identities and how we both have a passion for drag, but feel like in the community at large - not just in asheville, but in general -  we don’t feel accepted. it’s this weird thing where neither of us felt like we were accepted in a community that really caters to cyst gender, or you know just generally gay folks. and then there is this other community of established trans folks who are doing great work for this town, but i didn’t feel like i had the trans street cred. like, 'i’m not taking T yet so i’m not trans to you.' she felt the same way. 

my big worry was that i didn’t want to alienate the trans community or the queer community that’s like, “this is bullshit. drag is bullshit.” and i also didn’t want to alienate the drag community by being like, “no you can’t be cyst gender.” and also i don’t want a bunch of people from charleston coming in and saying, “i’ve never seen a drag queen before!!” so, it was really difficult starting that event, but now we are 8 months in and it’s gotten really good. we actually skipped october because we didn’t want it to be a costume party. but yea, it’s going really well and we are hoping to expand it more and see some other venues too. i feel like people feel really good about that event. it feels like the queer safe space i want when that event is happening. which is nice. and it takes a lot of fucking work on the part of the staff and all of us. it is an intense thing to do once a month.

what are your favorite places in town?

my parents were dirt fucking poor so we constantly got evicted. we moved around a lot in the asheville area, when we first moved up here from miami we lived in swannanowhere, that was really weird. growing up here i fucking hated it. i absolutely hated asheville and being here, there was nothing to do. i consistently had ringworm because i played outside all the time, but we moved around a lot. i always loved west asheville. i lived there when i was in high school and a lot of my friends lived there too so every weekend we would buy a genessee 30 pack because i had a friend that had a beard that never got id'ed. it used to be fucking empty so we would climb up on buildings and shit, run around like hooligans. i think it's the one place i really remember hanging out a lot as a kid and really enjoying it. 

as far as places i'm a regular - i started working at bars at 21 (at the crow and quill), so being 21 and working in a bar versus being 21 and going to bars, i got a behind the scenes look on how to not be an asshole in a bar. i've always kind of gone here (the odditorium) and to the crow, and honestly if i have a day off and something is not happening, i don't want to be at a fucking bar at all. there are a lot of places i haven't checked out yet that i feel like i should, a lot of cool things opening up in asheville. but the odditorium feels like home, like that nugget of asheville that's never changed - i mean it's changed for the better but it hasn't changed so much that it's a gastropub. 

what does confidence mean to you? 

when i was young i was very insecure and i didn't have a lot of confidence. i think part of it had to do with the fact that i never really felt comfortable in my own body. when i looked in the mirror i didn't see the person i was seeing. being in middle school and high school and coming into puberty - and you know being pretty busty and awkward and weird and feeling like i was forced to have a boyfriend or something, i didn't feel confident at all. i had a lot of fun, and i had a lot of friends, but i never felt quite comfortable being exactly who i was. late high school / early college getting into the punk metal scene i felt like i had a home...but honestly i think confidence right now is the more that i embrace my masculinity, the more that i can embrace the feminine qualities of myself as well. as i present more masculine, i am also allowed to be more of the lush. to be absolutely flamboyant at times which is something i would never have done before that. i think that balance - i don't want to be that trans guy that's just like - "ugh yeah, you want to drink beer?" i feel like presenting masculine while also pulling out a fan and snapping at queens is confidence for me. 

are there any power items or outfits that boost your confidence? 

i think i have pretty nice legs so i love wearing skinny jeans. i hate it when they fade because i want solid black skinny jeans, they make me feel good. i like a pair of pants that hug my butt. it's like a little confidence hug on my butt cheeks. 

i have a couple good luck charms that make me feel better and safe. as far as surrounding myself with things, my wife will tell you that i have a lot of little things that i surround myself with. i call it the apothecary aesthetic, she calls it clutter. so there's that. 

if there was a new two dollar bill whose face should be on it? 

maybe stevie nicks. stevie nicks would be a really good two dollar bill. this white witch...if you've got her you've got her if you don't you don't. 

if you're pushed to your limit how do you cope? 

i'm a very stubborn person, i don't know... i grew up in a family that didn't really show a lot of emotion. i am the kind of person that's like - 'nobody has to help me, i can take care of it myself.' and i think outside from a third person view it would look like me shutting down, but inside i just want to do all of it at once. i've got it, i will take care of everything. 

i'm 26 now. when i was about 23 i started to get to this point where i realized i was helping a lot of people out and when i was in need no one was helping me. i don't think it's a bad place to be, i don't think of that as a negative thing. i think it's just a reality that everyone comes to at some point in your life. i have friends that don't realize that yet, who are consistently working themselves to the bone to help other people. you can't teach somebody that. it's a life experience thing that you just have to go through. so when i'm pushed to my limit and i'm stressed and i don't know if i am going to pull this thing off, i am just like, "you know what? everybody leave the room. i'm going to do this my way." 

what would you say is undeniably you? 

i think a hot dog. i absolutely love hot dogs. they are legitimately my favorite food. the hot dog is funny because you can make a hot dog artsy, or fancy, and you can also have this real american hot dog. but either way - it's still a hot dog. it rides that line where everybody knows it. some people think it's just lips and assholes - my philosophy on a hot dog is 'why not use the whole animal?' - but it's this very simple food.

as much as i'm like - 'oh yeah, i make fancy cocktails, i'm queer as fuck. i'm an artist and a musician' but i'm also going to sit on the porch with my dad and drink beers and talk about the game too. 

what is something that drives you crazy or makes you cringe? 

i can't stand it when someone can't figure something out on their own, or even give it a try. i have no problem with people asking for help, but if someone asks for help before even thinking about it that drives me crazy. i think a lot of people do things that drive me really fucking crazy. 

what about style wise? 

anything that hippies wear. i can't do hippies. ...white person dreads. honestly the thing about hippies - i think i am connecting what they look like to how they act. the thing that bothers me, aside from the appropriative white person dreads,  isn't that they are wearing tie dye. it's that i equate that with them being like, "it's all about love, man." you're an asshole, first of all, you start fights at bars, secondly, and that sentiment - 'we just have to love everybody, we just have to be all good, we have to be positive' is what hurts resistance movements. no. we have to fight. to say that violence is never an answer is wrong. i think that's wrong. sometimes there has to be force behind something. and yes, sure we shouldn't strive towards violence for everything but it's this misconception that people at the top have or people who have never been affected by being on the outside, never been a minority, or never been told no before doesn't understand that when you have been oppressed and when you have been told no your entire life, or that you are not good enough, or that you are weird - that absolutely, you are going to lash out. why the fuck wouldn't you? that's just a natural human response to something like that. there is only so much people can take. at a certain point, yea you do have to stand in the streets. you do have to yell, you do have to scream, you do have to make your point heard by being a little bit violent. 

i don't want to spend my time just telling hippies that they are awful, but every time i see someone who is making it about peace and love they tend to be extremely privileged. when you have it good of course it is easier to say it all about love. 

...rage is a necessary emotion. it's something people have to have, if we didn't we would just be zombies. i don't think that anyone right now that is protesting or rioting or screaming or shouting thinks that they are not going to have consequences to that. we all know that. it's that point where you're like, "do i stay silent and put my head down and do what everyone is telling me to do? be what everyone is telling me that i am? or do i say something, and deal with the consequences later - but at least i am my true self? or at least i am fighting to be alive?"

yea, fuck hippies. 

what is your favorite technological advancement? 

i am kinda a nasa nerd. i have a minor in computer science, hoping to turn it into a masters one day and actually work for nasa. it's an end goal. so many advancements that really tickle me are simple but how do you use those off world? like a nasa approved pen, how can you make a pen work when there is no gravity to pull it down? how can we create water from the chemicals that are already in the air? stuff like that. 

what do you dislike about yourself? 

my tits. i want to get them cut off. i hate them. they are something i've never liked. i think that the weird thing about gender and body and biology is that i don't think i would hate my boobs as much as i do if society didn't turn them into such a thing. society, history, the inequality between sexes...has turned that thing, that part of a human body, and blown it up into this monster to the point where if you don't want to be a housewife or very feminine you inherently hate them. that sucks. it sucks that there are centuries upon centuries of people telling you what this thing is to the point where you just don't want it anymore. i know some trans folks who are taking t who are non binary that do like their boobs and still have them and don't plan on getting top surgery. they are fine with their body, and i commend that. but i can't. there is no way.  i don't even think i'll get bottom surgery. as much as genitalia is always in the conversation, i can pack or wear pants. i am not walking around naked. no one can see that, but they will always see what is on my chest. it's this automatic marker. and it is an automatic marker that just has all these sentiments and preconditions attached to it from years and years of exploiting them. i think that's why it is so important for a lot of trans guys and a lot of non binary folks to get rid of them. it's not just about the body part it's what the body part means. it's a symbol. 

what are you proud of? 

i'm proud of my community. i think there are a lot of really great people here that do a lot of amazing things and do not get enough recognition for it. even if i can be proud for them that's something. 

i've worked really hard to get where i am at, so i am proud of myself for a lot of things. to be able to survive this world. i'm really proud of my wife, because she has gone through a lot than i ever could and she is still alive which is amazing. 

in the context of asheville, i am really proud of the people who live here and have stayed here and know that everything is going to shit and they can't afford to live but they stay here and are trying to make it better. that's the center of asheville for sure...five years ago, even ten years ago, we didn't have to worry as much as we do now. it was a lot more scattered, i don't think that was a good thing. we weren't prepared for what has happened now with this city. we should have had a more solid crew then, and we probably would have been able to help more as opposed to now where we are scrambling to get together. 

fact is as it stands right now - you have the crow and quill that is a queer safe space, but it's not a gay bar. you have the odditorium that is owned by queer folks, a queer safe space, but not a gay bar. you have o'henrys that is not a safe space, but it is a gay bar. there is something culturally different of a space specifically targeted to the community...having a safe gay bar where people feel comfortable is very important to the queer community. 

a lot of us are trying to do what we can with the establishments that we own or work in, but until someone comes in with the funds and the determination to actually start a safe gay bar that is an empty hole in the community here. i think blue ridge pride is going to do a lot this year. having a solid pride that is really inclusive and representative of our community is going to be really important. but that is just one step. and that goes for all communities in asheville. the queer community was so fractured when i was growing up here. there were probably people i should have known five years ago that i just met. 

the same thing goes with communities of people of color. communities of different genres of music. everything in asheville, because we were so naive, and thought the hotels would fail -- but now we are here. all these things we could have done, the time has passed and we are scrambling to put together what we can, and we don't have any support from the actual people in power to do that. they want their money, they don't give a shit. the asheville tourist industry will continue to put up billboards in san francisco and portland and la saying that asheville is this queer city. and then they come here and ask about the gay bar and i say, "you don't want to go there." they will keep advertising it as whatever they want, but they aren't putting in the money to make those things happen for the communities. 

do you have any good vomit stories? 

when i was 15 i puked on my own laptop.

when i just turned 21 there was this girl i had a huge crush on. we were at double crown and she was leaving town, it was her going away and i felt like i had to tell her. of course i get wasted because i was so uncomfortable. finally we are at one of the booths and there are a bunch of people around and she was sitting right in front of me. i had this empty rocks glass, and i was like 'ok i'm going to do it.' i look at her and say, "laura, i am absolutely in love with you...." immediately puked into the cup, left a rocks glass of vomit, and left the bar. but i got it all in the glass! 

how are you contributing? 

sunday's are a drag i feel like is my big contribution right now to the community. turning an already queer safe space to an even queerer and safer space. and when i say queer safe space of course it is all inclusive - it doesn't mean anyone that isn't queer can't come . but it is unapologetically queer. you can be whoever you want to be there. i am feeling really good about that event.

being in a band even and doing shows, keeping the scene going in punk and metal, that's a thing. 

i think one of the best services that i give to asheville is being, i don't want to say picky, but being super aware at the bar. consistently every time i work i am doing something to fight drug facilitated sexual assault, i am doing something to help fight people being uncomfortable around alcohol (as in how to deal with drunk assholes). we had a meeting with our voice recently and the rep said, "y'all aren't bartenders, you are social workers. what you are doing here is important." i think as much as it is a bar and that's drinking and it seems silly or whatever, there is something to be said about having a space aside from someone's house where they can feel safe, where they feel like they can be themselves and not be constantly protecting themselves. i am a white passing person of color, but my nickname in high school was still spic span. as a person of color, as a queer person, as a non binary person, there is only so much of putting up that wall that you can handle on an everyday basis. having those spaces where someone who is a minority or someone who doesn't feel relatively comfortable walking down the street feels safe outside of their house is so important. and knowing that when you are there, if something does happen, there is a whole crew of people that have your back and won't let it go any further

(danny tells the story of an assault by a customer that was in the process of being kicked out when they turned violent) ...i can take those punches, i will take those punches. i will absolutely do that. i would be devastated if it started with someone that comes in and is just looking to have a drink and read a book. and as it stands asheville pd fucked all of that up. they took all of our statements wrong, they arrested the wrong guy. and we had this guys credit card receipt! they actually marked that incident as closed. it was on pride night last year. before we had the chance to talk to anyone they closed it. luckily in the four and a half years crow has been opened that has been the only physical assault. 

what is a lesson that you've learned from love? 

i want to say patience but i was already very patient. i think what i have learned the most from love is, and i am still working on it, but not to share things but to share emotions and thoughts. i am not good at that at all, and i think i need to be better at it. i think that it's really important when you do have a person and when you do spend all of your time with someone who you really love that you can't shut them out. and that's really hard. 

what are the magical moments for you? 

when i am performing. when i am on stage or behind the bar. i become a completely different person. 

what is been a tragic thing in your life that made you stronger? 

my mom passed last august she passed suddenly. she was an alcoholic but i didn't realize how severe of an alcoholic she was. she pretty much had a heart attack and died. it was really abrupt for all of us. since then i have been weirdly into addiction - knowing the signs and facts. i'm becoming well versed in substance abuse and addiction. it's this weird obsession i have had since she died but i feel that it's a really important thing to have right now, looking at the problem we have with opiates. it's been a crazy learning process. i am not going to sit here and wish i could have done something, but learning more about that and realizing how it affects so many people is really important. we have narcan at the bar - the fact that we have to have that is ridiculous. i have to train every bar back how to use narcan. but that is knowledge that should be more widespread, i think more people should give a shit about that. we are unfortunately becoming more well versed in it but there are a lot of people that need to know more about how to deal with overdoses and how to not demonize addicts. to realize it is a disease. i don't think i would have ever paid attention to it had my mom not died that way. 

if your life thus far was divided into three chapters what would they be? 

i feel like i have to find good names for them, i know what they would be. i guess it would be ringworm - the phase when i was just outside all the time covered in dirt. then it would be awkwardness - coming into puberty, middle school / high school, having all the traits that i have now but not knowing how to express to people that i wasn't awkward or weird. and then it would be lush - late college to now, full on embracing who i am and being unapologetic. 

ringworm, awkwardness, and lush.