esteban

for our first official release, we start with esteban, a jack-of-many-trades artist in town that has a heart of gold.

esteban is one of a kind, a man with many layers, that we feel genuinely represents the undercurrents of asheville that so many transplants were drawn to in moving here. he has a warm open mindedness rooted in creativity, curiosity, and wisdom, that is a beacon for what is possible to carry through into the future of this growing city. 

we tracked him down for drinks at the new district wine bar, and admittedly got a little tipsy over the span of the casual chat. so many of his answers resonated with the both of us and his ability to slide from silly to real is just what we were looking for in this project. 

originally from colombia, esteban made his way here years ago and since has worked with numerous companies around town for graphic & web design, along with producing his own art. he recently started tattooing. he has advised us on some of our design, and made the lovely flyer for our release party. he's awesome. 

slide through the photos of our interview / impromptu sunny shoot with his beloved snake plant / his home studio, listen to the full interview audio above, or read the edited version below. 

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what is your story and your relation to asheville? 

i was born in bogota, colombia. i lived in a lower middle class neighborhood that was right next to the hood. i think that set a precedent for how i view the world, for sure. i went to a catholic private school for 8 years. my grandma died, so then my dad was like, "we gotta move to the us," and he left alone. and during that time i had to go to the school that was in the hood, and i hung out with a bunch of hood rats for like a year and a half, especially because i knew that none of that would matter once i moved here. i was a very very bad kid for the last year and a half in colombia.

and then i moved to charlotte, to live in the real hood. i went to the school that was only open for 4 years called ee waddell...it was that type of school that you would walk in and they would have the metal detectors at the door and there was a cop there at least 3 or 4 days out of the week. there was a fight every single lunch. it was crazy. i didn't speak much english - i understood what people were saying to me but i couldn't communicate, so it was a little bit intense to navigate that as my first year in the states. i think some of my parents friends told them about an art school, it was a magnet school, called northwest school of the arts. i started going there, and i met my current partner there, sarah, which brings everything full circle, because that's why i learned about asheville. before that it was very much like, "oh asheville is a little hippie town and if you go there you're going to get into drugs." all my professors would steer me away from spending too much time here, i think they were just worried that i would get trapped in the nuance of being in a progressive place. anyway, i did three years at the magnet arts high school, focused on painting..and then through one of my painting professors i learned about the columbus college of art and design in colombus, ohio. i went there...had a lot of amazing experiences with emerging and already established artists, and a lot of the professors there pushed me to do what i truly wanted to do rather than my preconceived notions of art, so it was a great continuation to be in an arts high school.

how would you describe yourself as an artist? this is not technically a question, but i think it's contextual information. 

yea, i think...i'm a masochist. 

i think it's self harm. anything i see that poses a challenge on what i can do with the tools that i get, i think it lives somewhere between the wall concept and the material. i find myself, even if i'm coding or creating a website, taking things from the web to inform that medium. i'll grab the glitches that happen while coding, and take advantage of those mistakes to create. 

i think that's also because i've been in the "art world" for so long, i don't think of art as these doctrines that have been established, but i just look at it all and they are the same scope. like if i am making a painting, i don't think of it as a painting - but as this thing i am fighting with. 

so then what brought you to asheville? 

so my partner sarah, her and i came to asheville a ton in high school. we've known each other since we were 16...her family is originally from asheville and when i met her i was dating someone that was selling holistic medicinal products to a lot of places here, but they lived in charlotte. and the conversation about asheville was much different with sarah and with the family of the person i was dating at the time - they kindof viewed asheville as the next step of what north carolina needed, and chose to make a bond with this city through that, which was really exciting. so i started to pay attention to the cracks in asheville, rather than what everyone perceived the city to be. i looked past the drum circle and the downtown area, and would come over here where we are now..where we are right now was my hideout place in high school, there was literally no one here and the graffiti and broken down buildings. the sculpture that is sitting right outside was sitting under this bridge for so many years. i think seeing those things come to the foreground is also what motivated me to be like, "ok. i'm coming to asheville and i'm going to be able to create with all these other people that i've seen." i think a lot of what drew me to asheville as well was the music scene, when i was in high school and i would come up here it would usually be for a show at the grey eagle - "the shit house" as it's been known for a lot years, on south french broad. that spot is legendary for me. i got to see a lot of metal and punk acts that i would never have been able to see in charlotte, so there is also that part. check: sarah, check: progressive people, check: a cool environment and cool music. 

how would you describe your family? 

damn, my family has changed A LOT. if you would have asked me this question two years ago, i would have been like, "self centered, judgmental, and egotistical" -- but today i think they've been pushed to understand that there are other ways of living. 

there is a point there where it all changed. basically i was hanging out with them during the morning time, it was my sophomore year in college i think, and i had spent the whole day with them and then sarah had come over. it was when we were doing long distance and so i hadn't seen her in awhile. she came to pick me up and we went to her house. on the way there, my parents called me, but i didn't respond and i usually would have. once i got to sarah's house i listened to this voicemail and my parents were talking to my sister's friend about their perception of me and my life. they had butt dialed me, and they talked all this shit about me. about how i had nothing together and how if i wasn't in school i would probably be homeless. and then they went into what they thought about sarah and my relationship, and how that formed who she was and who i was, and how it was never right and should never have happened...so i immediately called them after hearing that and was like, "hey, you know that conversation you were having with stephanie in the car, i heard it all" and you could hear the pause. 

yeah so i called them, said hey i heard the whole thing, i know what you think of me. my relationship with my dad had never been good. that year that he was here alone...there was a lot that he did that was really fucked up to my mom for a long time...and basically after 15 i never respected him as an individual, therefore him trying to tell me anything was always met with resistance. it was never a good relationship, so at that point it was very clear for me that i wanted nothing to do with them. i decided to cut all ties with them for a year. i didn't see them, didn't really talk to them, would only call them if there was a bigger family situation. but then after that happened, they switched their roles as parents. they were like, alright we can't just be this entity that judges and aspires for all these things around us to be the way that we expect them to. through a lot of conversations with me, with me and sarah, and with me and sarah's parents, a lot of changes happened. they went from being a very traditional conservative family to much more liberal. 

last year they smoked weed with me on my birthday. they have never smoked weed, never even seen weed. it's been a great thing to watch as i also age to impact my parents life. 

what was one of your favorite experiences? a job, a time in your life, a trip...whatever comes to mind. 

i think meeting one of my idols, and realizing that some idols aren't assholes. it was miranda july. i met her at school, i love talking about it so y'all have probably both heard me talking about it. it was the first time that i met someone that had a repertoire of rewards behind their back, and had done a bunch of biennials and was doing diy punk style on the west coast. i very much identified with that. the type of work i was doing when i was a senior in college was informed by her in a lot of ways, so meeting her and her snap chatting with me, is probably one of the coolest experiences that had informed my practice, and made me hope in life. 

and she lived up to the throne. 

she did, and she killed it. she wasn't too much or too little, she was very much herself. she was open to have a conversation about anything with anyone, and that was something i hadn't experience with meeting big named people. she was very much a person that was still relateable...she pulled out her phone and showed me pictures of her kid. that was great. so yeah, i think that's it. 

what is a scent that triggers a strong memory for you? 

what scent? oh my god, i know exactly what to say here and it's going to be creepy but...a nose bleed. i smell it all the time out and about. 

what is the memory it triggers? your first bloody nose? 

this is sad, but i don't want it to sound sad. i was sick, of course, i had a really terrible flu. and i used to watch the latin american vma's.  this is in colombia. this is probably 13 year old esteban, he is super sick, he hasn't left the house in days 

he is obsessed with enrique iglesias...

you know it! i had two drumsticks, and seventeen pillows i had around me i pretended were drums, because i couldn't do anything else. my family was going through a really rough money situation, so we didn't have anything to eat. i went downstairs and was like, what can i eat? and the only thing in the fridge was cheese and jelly. so i put three pieces of cheese, put jelly on top of it. 

what kind of cheese was it? 

i think mozzarella? then i put three more pieces of cheese on top, put it on the microwave, heated it up for 20 seconds, grabbed a fork, went upstairs and started eating it. and as i was eating it, blood just started pouring down my nose! i freaked out, i had never had such a bad nose bleed before. the smell of it just haunted me for weeks. 

what is one surprising thing you carry with you? in your wallet or your car...

a lot, actually. i guess one thing that no one would expect -- i have my first dog's baby teeth in my car with me at all times. i don't know where she is, or if she is still alive. she was a husky, i had her from the time i was like 9 till 11. she killed three rats and my dad gave her away. 

i have random polaroid photos...i feel like a hoarder. i like to carry a lot of memories with me, i guess in case this happens. it's pretty weird.

when you're working do you prefer quiet or noise? 

i prefer quiet when i'm creating something that requires all of my senses to be involved. so if i am editing video i want to be alone in a cubicle away from the world. 

what's your most used iphone app? 

i have to think about this. i want to say instagram. i think it's google maps. 

what about guilty pleasure iphone apps? 

damn, there are so many of those. i've deleted them and gotten them back. snapchat is one of them of course. my drug dealer won't sell me drugs unless i contact them through snap chat. and i don't do hard drugs, i just smoke weed. actually my biggest guilty pleasure is pinterest. if i go to the bathroom to do number two, i'm pulling up pinterest. 

what is the best part of your day? 

god it's hard because i'm not one for routines. i hate doing the same shit from one day to the next.

so...when i'm eating. 

ok so then what is the best eating you can imagine? what is your favorite food? 

o0o i am a sucker for hamburgers. i loooove burgers. i love everything from the big mac to the bougiest of bougiest burgers that you could think of. i think my perfect day would be eating - i've done this actually - going to smoky park supper club when they open working there, eating a burger for lunch and then a burger for dinner. different sides though. 

what is one thing that can turn around your day? 

a nice gesture. that's so vague. an unexpected act of love. which can come in any form...

what trait do you dislike in yourself? 

my lack of ability to remember names.

i could go on forever, but i think that's the one i dislike the most. 

what phrases do you overuse? 

dude. bud. 

what is asheville to you? 

it's changing, i think it changes every day. when i first moved here it meant opportunity. after spending four years here, i think overall it means a place where you are free to do whatever you want to do. but - you have to work so hard at doing that thing that it might bring you down. you might lose the passion that drives you to doing it, because it is still a city in the bible belt. our budget is not that big as a city, and the budget we do get has been mismanaged by our previous city managers. if you were a struggling artist in a big city i wouldn't say move to asheville, you're going to make it here, because that's unrealistic. unless you can find a way to make it work for you, it's really hard. but it's a whimsical amazing place. you drink the best drinks, eat the best food, meet the coolest most awkward and most outgoing people in the same day, so i love it. it's eclectic. 

what would you say the direction of asheville is? 

asheville is the smallest city i've lived in my whole life. i see it headed towards what most big cities are about: cleaning up their act. i think asheville has the possibility to become one of the strongholds of north carolina, and that's where i want to see it going, but i also know that i'm in a bubble. so my perception of it may be skewed. i see it headed into another place where people that don't want a 9-5 lifestyle would gravitate towards, and making it its own east coast hub for weirdos. i don't think that's ever going to change, as the industries grow more and more there will be all these different markets that will open up, but there are just so many weirdos. for generations and generations, i think that's something we are still heading towards. the wierder you can be, the cooler. 

what is asheville missing? 

damn, a lot. a lot of super shitty 3am food places. either chinese or pizza. i don't want to go to cookout - i mean i do, but i don't, i feel guilty about that. 

i think there is a lot being made here, and a lot being produced creatively but i don't know that it also means there is a lot of thought going into everything that's being done creatively. i think we lack a more diverse artist community. it's already here, but we are all in different pockets and on different schedules and doing different things. we don't have a district or a brooklyn where we can all go and hang out and create a sense of community around conceptual and thoughtful art. 

i used to manage lighting bolt inc, a screen printing shop on lexington, and there was a business next door called madame butterfly. she had been there for 14 years. she was this german lady, she had been there for ever. she would hire all the bums that would come to lexington just to work for a few hours a day, then she would feed them and give them some of the vintage clothes she had. it was a spot where if you were from out of town, you didn't know that the person behind the counter didn't have a place to live, didn't have food on the table - ever. it was cool, because it was a secret...maybe those people wouldn't come in if they knew, but it was that human interaction that needed to happen from the lowest of the low to the highest of the high. and the landlord at the beginning of last year told her she had to go. she had never missed rent, she had been there for 14 years it was her second home. i would watch her bring in all these trinkets that she would find from salvage stations, she would employ all these people with addiction problems. for the landlord to be like, "we don't want you to be here we are going to open this up for a new business" and now it's been a year, and that space has been vacant. it brings up so much sadness for all of us. she couldn't keep her business, trump got elected -- and so she went back to germany. the last week of her being there she would grab everything she was trying to sell she would stuff it in her car and try to resell it all these other places. and one day she left a rack next to her car and all these homeless people came there and started to grab things out of it, and she had a meltdown and was saying, "these are my things!" it was weird to see her yell at homeless people instead of help them, because downtown asheville is becoming, like a downtown area. it's sad to see that, but i know for those creative pockets we need someone with a lot of money to come in, create a business, so that all these other kids that want to move to town has jobs and can create along side of that. 

what is your go-to outfit? do you have a power outfit and/or item? 

my go to outfit is sweatpants, these sweatpants i have from h&m, and these duck hunting socks that are super comfy, and then the biggest t shirt i can find...and then the shoes i'm wearing. 

my power outfit? damn. i printed this shirt for a benefit for a talk that pussy riot was giving at unca, it's a scoop neck of a van burning. i printed 300 of these t shirts overnight for pussy riot and was freaking out thinking i would meet them, and then they gave me one of them. so that shirt definitely. i also have these zara pants that were really expensive that i cut the bottom of them off, and then i have this pair of louis vuitton shoes that i bought at macys on a huge deal. so that would be my power outfit. it doesn't look like a power outfit, but when i'm wearing it i'm like FUCK! i feel super fucking cool. 

what is one small thing that is abnormally special to you? what is your power trinket? 

i have this pen that i love to write and draw with. i don't know how to pronounce the brand because everything on the pen is in chinese. i get them at henco downtown, it's inbetween a felt and a brush tip. it's a pen and a marker and a brush at the same time. i love that pen. 

what would you say is undeniably you? 

oh i don't know, is that a question for me? that's a really hard question. everyone wants to feel that they are super original, but where does that lie? i would hope that if anyone saw any of the artworks that i create that they would be like, that's definitely esteban. everything i make there is this fine line between super uptight and super loose. the thing in the middle is the undeniably me part, but it's so hard to describe. i'm not sure! 

(zach mentions the nikes esteban always wears, i mention his distinct smile) 

that's true! fun fact about my smile. it is undeniably me, i think you nailed it. when i was in third grade i lost my baby teeth and i had a big gap in the center. when my teeth started to come in everyone was like, "damn! these are like four times bigger than your baby teeth, this is crazy!" when they fully came in i couldn't close my mouth. the flapped out. the x ray of my teeth looked like a 90 degree angle from my gum out. i had to have four extra teeth, grown up teeth, removed for them to generate enough space to pull them back. so yea, my teeth are fucking huge that is undeniably me. 

do you have a motto or words you live by? 

live fast die young! ha, no. i aspire to always find the brightest diamond underneath the subtlest reflections. and that is not something i came up with, that's a shabazz palace's lyric. i could go on with that song forever, but i think that is very key. i want to go to the punk gutter houses and find that gem. 

what traits do you rate highest in others? 

compassion. you could look like the pinnacle of the person that i hate but if you are able to talk to anyone in a compassionate manner there is no way that i could ever disrespect you. i think i admire that. especially with people that don't think alike. 

another one is hard work. i can't really hang with people that don't work hard. and i can almost immediately tell if they are going to push themselves or not. it's a big factor. 

what is your favorite curse word? 

ok, this is a colombian thing. gonorrhea. so, me and my cousins grew up calling each other gonorrhea ALL the time. it is so far fetched for that word to come into the conversation.

who was or is your greatest mentor? 

there is this woman in colorado, she lives right outside of denver. her name is virginia downey. so, i have two of them, and they are very similar in the way they approached their mentoring process with me. virginia downey was my high school art mentor, she was the one that called me out on my crap...she pushed me to create some things i never thought i would be able create. in that, she is one person i am still in contact with. the other is this brilliant forestry wizard. her name is kim landsbergen and she is the only person i know that has a phd in forestry. she spent four years in the forest of costa rica, understanding how the different ecosystems relating to site specificity work to create a forest. she is the first person that ever took me out on the field, taught me to watch life on the micro level so then you can understand it at the macro level. she was my senior year mentor in art school, and i chose her specifically because she wasn't an artist and she was teaching me all these things that were pertaining to life itself. so i have my art mentor and my nature life mentor. 

if there was a new two dollar bill whose face should be on it? 

lil wayne. 

how are you contributing? 

i don't feel like i'm contributing right now, and it's definitely weighing on me. i have been asking myself how i want to contribute, i think i was able to contribute a lot more when i didn't have financial responsibilities. i was able to look at my time as a much more donatable thing. every job i have had has been related to helping others up to moving to asheville. ever since moving to asheville, i've felt like i can't waste any time not earning money because if i don't i'm not going to be able to eat or pay my rent. working at lighting bolt was definitely a contribution because i wasn't earning as much as i could have been, and most of the work i was doing was for non profits but in a way i was still getting paid. i feel like i contribute to the local economy, most of my money goes back into this community so therefore earning it feels a little more important. i always wish i could be contributing more, and i know that once i have the means and time i will be focusing on that. 

what is the one thing that always makes you cringe? 

a lot of things. hearing people say "i'm an artist" makes me cringe. i have to grind my teeth really hard. when people say somethin rather than something. or "daddy" -- all the words that imply a masculine control make me cringe. like "bro". dude is alright, i say dude to everyone... i think it's a stoner thing that i'm okay with. calling everyone dude is alright with me. 

when you are pushed to your limit how do you cope? 

i just learned this about myself. i used to not cope with it, i would just run away. in the last three years i learned to humble down to the point where when that happens i truly shut up and listen. if i have nothing positive to say i just won't say anything at all. i think for a long time i thought i needed the answers to too many things, so whenever i would come across that situation i would become so angry and involved in trying to be right. so just understanding that i have no control and quieting down and listening is probably the best way to cope with it. 

what is on your bedside table? 

a lot of crap. i think there is a bunch of coffee stickers. some ashes from joints i've smoked before going to sleep. there is a sketch book, a glass at all times of something that i drank the night before - whether it's alcoholic or water...i just got rid of this but for the longest time i had this tea candle burner by itself that i would ash on. and then i have two photos of sarah from when i was a junior in college.

what is the best part of your job? what exudes the magic?  

oh my god, everything. i feel like a magical unicorn roaming the earth. i feel like being able to create and have others give me input on what i create is the biggest joy. i don't think i could ever be doing anything else. if i was, i think i would be very depressed and angry. yeah, i'm happy in my career for sure. i keep pushing buttons and things keep opening up and i am very grateful for it. i can't not be pleased with every aspect with what creating and that process entails. 

how do you get your news? 

i watch vice religiously. and instagram, sadly enough. 

what are you consuming right now? music, books, food...what are you focused on in a weird way as a phase in your life that is an injection of something you are really into? 

i consume coffee but i never pay for it so it doesn't feel right to say i am consuming it if i don't pay for it. so quite literally ugly delicious and mind of a chef, both of those shows have inspired me in a way that i didn't think was possible. when i was little i used to love anthony bourdain and virginia downey was like, you know he smokes cigarettes so he is not really tasting the food he is talking about, so she slayed that hero for me. i never wanted to look at food the same, i was like, "it's all a lie! y'all don't know what you are talking about" and after coming to asheville and learning about veganism i couldn't really bring myself up to being ok with eating meats but i knew that i had to eat them because i didn't feel healthy when i wasn't. it feels cheap to be just a pescaterian so i was looking for some sort of justification. watching those shows help me understand that food is a cultural thing. if your body has been designed to eat all these things and enjoy them, and you can source those things in a way that doesn't directly affect others or take advantage of a situation then you should be able to. luckily, asheville is a great place for that.

music wise i am consuming a lot of spanglish, first wave coming onto the main stream. i love hearing cuco and kali uchis and miguel. all that is really exciting to see and consume. i am in this two world parallel that i need to bring together. 

what mundane activity makes you uneasy? 

washing dishes. doing laundry. 

what mundane activity do you love? 

cleaning things that no one else will ever look at. i love to clean the board behind the stove that is covered in grease. i clean it and no one ever says anything about that being clean and i LOVE it. or the lining on the windows where all the bugs die. i grab those bugs and sometimes i throw them in whatever i am creating, but a lot of times just for the pleasure of seeing something brown turn into white. 

what do you need around you? what brings you happiness? 

people. i love compassionate, tender, loving people. i think it was really hard for me to find people that felt the same way towards the world and now that i have it is really hard to think of a world where i would be surrounded by superficiality. 

what does your ideal birthday look like? 

so there are two sides to it. there is the one side that wants to be like, i don't want anyone to acknowledge it and i just want to be at home smoking weed watching all the harry potter movies. and then there is the other part of me that is like, let's rent the whole club and party. 

what are you proud of? 

i'm proud of myself. i have overcome a lot of things that i never thought i would. when i was a little kid i was destined for a very specific path that i've been very against internally that i knew i had to push against. i am proud of that. i am proud of everything sarah and i have achieved in the last few years, together as a couple, because it has been rough. yeah, i've been proud of learning about emotion and feelings and not being oblivious to those or repressing those. 

what do you dream about? (night dreams and day dreams)

i daydream about putting all my people up. like if i keep doing this and i get a million dollars then i'll ask all these individuals in my life what they want to do and help them get that vision. which is something i am super proud of that i have done with sarah...just being with her and having conversations of the abstract crazy world that exists and generating what she wants to do out of it has been amazing, so i daydream about making that happen with everyone. 

i physically dream about a lot of messed up things. the whole us army barging into wherever i am in the dream and shooting at me, and somehow making it through the bullets but coming out knowing that i can never go back or see all the people that i love. i dream about monsters and demons and shit.

what are you scared of? 

i am probably scared of being alone. and not alone as in a month alone, alone as in all the people i know comeinto consensus that i'm a piece of shit and they don't want anything to do with me, and then not having anyone i can call. 

do you have a hunch about how you will die? 

yeah, i want to die super fast. i have fanticized about a car wreck, so many times while i'm driving which is probably not good. something quick and fast, maybe walking on a bridge and falling over. i don't want to be ill in a hospital bed. 

what do you want to accomplish before that happens? 

SO much. what i daydream about, putting my people up. but for my personal goals? i would love to be able to create independently of earning money. and i think that is a goal that can be achieved. i just don't know how to communicate to biennials and residencies. i don't think i speak the same language, but it's definitely something i want to do before i die - go on a residency and make work without thinking about money.